Friday, October 25, 2013
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Director: Rick Rosenthal
Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Busta Rhymes, Tyra Banks, Bianca Kajlich, Katee Sackhoff, Ryan Merriman, Sean Patrick Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas
Trick or treat, motherfucker!
Let the Dangertainment begin...up in this motherfucker.
Hey Mikey, happy fuckin' Halloween!
God damnit, what the hell does somebody got ta do to get some help up in this motherfucka.
Fear is good, fear is what gives us the feeling of being alive.
What do you mean you don't want to be famous? That's the American dream!
Michael Myers is like a killer shark. In baggy ass overalls who gets his kicks in killing everyone and everything he comes across.
Looking a little crispy over there, Mikey. Like some chicken fried motherfucker. Well, may he never, ever rest in peace.
When this retrospective ends and I do my rankings, the first and last spots are going to come as no surprise as to which movie takes them. We already discussed the clear winner of the rankings, now meet the biggest loser. Halloween: Resurrection is an easy and prime candidate for worst film entry into franchise horror ever. I'm not talking schlock like the Camp Blood series, I'm talking the majors to midlevel players. Freddy and Jason never stooped or got to this level. There is at least enjoyment in some of their lesser entries. I can't even laugh at this film its that offensive and embarrassing. Hell, I really didn't want to write about this damn thing either, but I felt skipping it or making a snarky comment and moving on wasn't fair to the retrospective and cheating you, the reader. So, I watched it for like the 3rd or 4th time ever and to no surprise, this thing is still awful.
While a lot of credit has been given to the Blair Witch Project for this plot, I think a more apt pinning would be the Blair Witch-inspired show running on MTV at the time called "MTV's Fear". The show put a bunch of youngsters with cameras in haunted places and had them wander around in the dark completing a scavenger hunt of sorts. But really, this house isn't that big and this thing starts when the sun is still up. Seriously, and hour and a half in this place and I'm sure everything has been covered. Of course the stuff they are finding is a sham, put up by Freddie, but its all just uninteresting and silly. Also of note, the Myers house now has a secret cavern in the basement. Why am I actually pining for that blue monolith in Halloween 5?
Rick Rosenthal returned to direct. This was his chance to prove that he was responsible for why Halloween II was good. Well, i think by now we know John Carpenter, Debra Hill and Dean Cundey made that film work. Halloween: Resurrection is incredibly amateur and absolutely terrible no matter was franchise or genre you're in. The Weinsteins actually wanted to possibly go in the Halloween III type anthology direction again, leaving Michael dead. But Akkad jumped in and was like "NO, remember Season of the Witch! Bad box office!" And thus, we got this pile of shit.
Next Time: Rob Zombie takes over and I'm sure my comments section has a chance to fill up like never before.