Thursday, May 9, 2013


2 Fast 2 Furious
Director:  John Singleton
Starring:  Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Eva Mendes, Cole Hauser, James Remar, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Devon Aoki
Rated PG-13

He did the stare and drive on you, didn't he? He got that from me.
                        ~Roman Pearce

Fast & Furious Drinking Game:  Take a sip of your beverage when any form of the word “Bro” is used.

So, after viewing 2 Fast 2 Furious, the fear and apprehension of this series is growing strong in me.  This might be one of the dumbest big budget summer movies I have ever seen.  This movie also reeks of being a sequel.  It’s also a film that feels more interested in selling a soundtrack than telling a story.  Seriously, there were like 8 heavily featured songs within the first 15-20 minutes.

Since Vin Diesel & Rob Cohen decided to add a different shitty movie to the American cinema experience (XXX), the only route of continuity available was to follow Paul Walker’s Brian O’Conner.  And to team up we get, a character that was obviously Dominic Toretto in an earlier draft, Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson).  I called the first movie “bro-tastic” but damn they literally say the word “Bro” every 30 seconds.  And I don’t remember this being a trait of Brian at all in the first film.  And as if the acting of Paul Walker wasn’t bad enough, Tyrese brings a whole new level of awful.  He’s absolutely terrible.  The problem is, he’s not aware of that as he brings a complete level of cocky arrogance in his performance like he’s self high-fiving himself after every line delivery.

All the actors (sans Cole Hauser), reek of people who saw the first movie and are trying to act like they are in it rather than just playing characters.  From the first race, you feel like you are a part of a Fast & The Furious fan film (this is a comment on the acting & characters, not the race which itself is far better and more entertaining than the races in the 1st film).  Not that I’m looking for masterpiece theater here, but something passable would be nice.  Even James Remar, who I like, is over the top and ridiculous in this film.  Perhaps he’s catering to what was being asked.

I was excited to see John Singleton’s name as the director.  While this is a far worse film than the first one, the direction is far better (don’t get me wrong, if I had to choose at gunpoint, I’d still choose to watch the first film easily).  All the car races are much more exciting and done better.  There’s also a highway chase early on in the film that features an actual auto fatality which makes you go “ouch”.  I must give this film merit that unlike the first film, it DOES deliver in seeing car races and car action.  The problem is, there’s not a whole lot done with the car chases.  They are primarily just getting somewhere faster than your aggressor.  Not much else is at stake.  But still, from a technical side, I wish this film was at least somewhat “eh”, because I might recommend it based on a few of the car chases.  It’s just everything else is so damn terrible its not worth your time.

The romantic plot between Eva Mendes and Paul Walker is damn near laughable.  There is absolutely nothing there.  The only thing going is that these 2 are attractive and they’re in the same movie.  It makes you scratch your head constantly throughout.  There’s also supposed to be this “is she/isn’t she” mole subplot in the movie and I never found myself caring either way.  If you can’t tell, aside for some car action I really wasn’t into this movie.

So, I fear this isn’t my series.  This movie was kind of the pits for me.  Maybe this is some outside revenge on me for making so many people sit through the Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies over the years.  This thing just felt like a couple of the jock assholes you know in high school who know nothing about film went out and made a movie and thought they did something better than your film which was of the quality of Alien.  And the fact that it was a big hit just turns that knife.  Thinking back to square one on this film, I would have much rather the sequel followed Vin Diesel’s Dominic Toretto on an adventure than Brian O’Conner.  So, yeah, I thought 2 Fast 2 Furious was really dumb.  I’m holding out hope that things will be better in the 4th one where I know the band gets back together.  But til then, I still have one more “in the middle” to sit through.  If you enjoyed this movie I’d really like to hear from you.   Not in a cynical a-hole way, but maybe I’m watching these movies the wrong way.  Please help me out or call me a jerk below.

Next Up:  Fast & The Furious – Tokyo Drift

Bow Wow, what looks to be a reboot already, I hear there’s a Diesel cameo and really I know nothing other than that

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